Thursday, February 7, 2008

Thought 8

If umbrellas become sentient
And take over the planet
Will our skin be stretched over their cities
To keep them dry

Or will they just spend all of their money on weather manipulation science
Until they can control the weather with a simple Perl script?

Friday, January 4, 2008

Thought 7

If I build an evil cryogenics laboratory
Will people still pay me huge wads of money
To be frozen
Even though I'm all evil and maniacal when I freeze them?

I hope so, freezing people is quite enjoyable.

Monday, December 31, 2007

Thought 6

Today's thought centers around peppermint candies.

Have you ever opened up a peppermint candy and discovered a miniature world inside, full of tiny peppermint people living tiny peppermint lives?

Isn't it sad to have to eat those people and their lives? It is sad to me, but that is the burden of a mint eater.

Sunday, December 23, 2007

Thought 5

Some days
Especially Sun Days
The moon stabs me in the ear
With its sharp moony beams

And I say, "Hey, cut it out, you jerkface."
And it usually listens.

But not today
I guess it's showing off
Feats of Strength
For Festivus

Monday, February 12, 2007

Thought 4

If I wake up tomorrow
And I don't know who I am
Will anyone tell me
Or will they just let me
Walk around like a crazy person
Who doesn't know who she is
And who might not even exist
For all she knows

Maybe some friendly homeless person
Will teach me the ways of the world
And that I'm his long-lost friend
And we'll go bowling together
Free bowling made of rocks and soup cans
Because we're homeless and can't afford
Real bowling
With those expensive bowling shoes
Who can afford that?
Not me.

Saturday, February 3, 2007

Thought 3

Today I wear Chanel perfume
All over my neck
It smells like my old backpack
From high school
That I always kept filled with perfume
Because hey, why not?
It's not like I needed to keep
Sunglasses in my backpack
Since I went to high school
In the dark

Wednesday, January 31, 2007

Thought 2

When I walk down the street
Past stores and the windows that they have
And I see Coach Signature Denim Patchwork Demi Bags
On sale
Not an auction
For super cheap prices
I jump
High into the air
And never come back to the ground
because I love those Coach bags so very much
They make me fly
Like Superman
If Superman liked purses.