Thought 9

I think I was in a coma
Because the last thing I remember
Was in 2008
And now my telephone is talking to me
And says it's 2021

This is what they call a coma
I'm pretty sure
Although I don't know if I'd trust myself on this one these days

I'm still somewhat wobbly and upside down.

Thought 8

If umbrellas become sentient
And take over the planet
Will our skin be stretched over their cities
To keep them dry

Or will they just spend all of their money on weather manipulation science
Until they can control the weather with a simple Perl script?

Thought 7

If I build an evil cryogenics laboratory
Will people still pay me huge wads of money
To be frozen
Even though I'm all evil and maniacal when I freeze them?

I hope so, freezing people is quite enjoyable.

Thought 6

Today's thought centers around peppermint candies.

Have you ever opened up a peppermint candy and discovered a miniature world inside, full of tiny peppermint people living tiny peppermint lives?

Isn't it sad to have to eat those people and their lives? It is sad to me, but that is the burden of a mint eater.

Thought 5

Some days
Especially Sun Days
The moon stabs me in the ear
With its sharp moony beams

And I say, "Hey, cut it out, you jerkface."
And it usually listens.

But not today
I guess it's showing off
Feats of Strength
For Festivus

Thought 4

If I wake up tomorrow
And I don't know who I am
Will anyone tell me
Or will they just let me
Walk around like a crazy person
Who doesn't know who she is
And who might not even exist
For all she knows

Maybe some friendly homeless person
Will teach me the ways of the world
And that I'm his long-lost friend
And we'll go bowling together
Free bowling made of rocks and soup cans
Because we're homeless and can't afford
Real bowling
With those expensive bowling shoes
Who can afford that?
Not me.

Thought 3

Today I wear Chanel perfume
All over my neck
It smells like my old backpack
From high school
That I always kept filled with perfume
Because hey, why not?
It's not like I needed to keep
Sunglasses in my backpack
Since I went to high school
In the dark
Always.